Why do emails feel like personal attacks sometimes? I mean, you’re just sitting there minding your business when an email lands in your inbox. It’s polite, formal, maybe even a little too wordy. But somehow, your brain reads it as, “Are you completely incapable of doing your job?”
It’s the smallest phrases that send you spiraling. “Just following up” sounds harmless until you hear it in your head as, “Why haven’t you done this yet?” Or how about “Per my last email”? That one’s the grandmaster of passive aggression, the digital equivalent of a long, disappointed sigh. Then there’s “Please advise,” which feels like a low-key way of saying, “I don’t trust you to handle this without messing it up.”
The worst part is, the sender probably didn’t even mean it that way. But when you’re reading it, stripped of context, tone, or even a friendly emoji, it’s easy to assume the worst. Maybe it’s because emails have this weird way of turning everyday conversations into formal, high-stakes exchanges. Add work stress, tight deadlines, and that colleague who emails like they’re drafting a legal notice, and you’ve got a recipe for overthinking.
You open the email again. Did they really need to use bold font for that deadline? And why does “Thank you for your prompt attention” feel like a subtle jab? You know it’s probably just a standard phrase they use with everyone, but still, it stings.
So now you’re crafting your reply, agonizing over every word. Should you match their tone or keep it light? Do you apologize for something that might not even be your fault? And why does this feel like it’s harder than explaining your thesis to your grandmother?
But...most emails aren’t personal. People are busy, juggling a hundred things, and trying to get their point across in as few words as possible. That blunt tone might not be aimed at you at all—it might be the sender’s fifth coffee of the day kicking in or their annoyance at the printer jamming (again).
Still, it’s hard not to take it personally. Maybe it’s because work emails come with this unspoken power dynamic. Everyone’s trying to look competent while secretly Googling how to format Excel sheets. And when the tone is off, even slightly, it feels like someone’s pointing out your flaws in public.
The solution? Breathe. Seriously, just breathe. Don’t reply immediately—let the initial sting wear off. And instead of assuming the worst, assume the sender is just as frazzled as you are. Most importantly, don’t overthink your response. A simple, polite answer is usually all you need.
Emailing doesn’t have to be a battlefield. Once you realize most people are just trying to make it through the day without spilling coffee on their keyboard, it gets easier. You might even laugh at how much mental energy you spent decoding “Kind regards.” And the next time you get a “friendly reminder,” you’ll know it’s probably just that—a reminder, not a personal attack on your entire career.
Comments