Complicated

I hadn’t planned on dating anyone, let alone someone who had extra baggage. But Nairobi being Nairobi, you don’t always get what you expect. I was sitting at a café in Kilimani, minding my business, trying to enjoy my solitary lunch when a friend introduced me to Dan. He was one of those tall, charming guys that always seem to know what to say and when to say it. You know the type—great smile, smooth, a little too smooth.

“Hey, I’m Dan,” he said, flashing that pearly white smile. “Mind if I join you for a bit?”

I was hesitant at first. After all, I didn’t even come here to socialize. But Nairobi can be a lonely place sometimes, so I shrugged and gestured for him to take a seat. Besides, it’s not like I was waiting for anyone.

We got talking, and I’ll admit, Dan was funny, charismatic, and seemed genuinely interested in me. He asked me all the right questions, listened, and dropped a few casual compliments that made me blush. For once, it felt like I was having an adult conversation that didn’t involve Paw Patrol and why my almost-three-year-old, still refused to say her first word.

After an hour of chatting and a few laughs, Dan asked if we could meet up again later that week. “There’s this nice spot in town that makes great nyama,” he said, his eyes twinkling like he was already picturing the meal. I was a little skeptical, but he seemed decent enough. Plus, it had been a while since I had gone on an actual date.

“Sure, why not?” I replied, smiling.

Fast forward a few days later, and we’re sitting at this nyama choma joint in Upper Hill. The place had that perfect blend of Kenyan vibe—good food, loud music, and a bit of chaos. Dan ordered a mountain of meat, and we settled into what seemed like an easy date. But then came the moment every Nairobi girl dreads.

“So,” he said, slicing into his meat with just a bit too much precision, “I should probably mention something before we get too deep into this.”

Now, listen. I’ve been in Nairobi long enough to know that any time a guy says, “I should probably mention something,” it’s never good. My internal alarms were already going off, but I kept my face neutral.

“Okay, what’s up?” I asked, trying to sound casual, but inside, I was already bracing for impact.

Dan cleared his throat. “I have a son. He’s a few months old.”

Now, ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a huge deal. I mean, I have a kid too. But something about the way he said it, with that little pause, that hesitant glance, made me suspect there was more to the story.

“Oh, okay. Cool,” I said, taking a sip of my soda. “How’s that going?”

He gave me a sheepish smile. “Yeah, co-parenting is... tricky. His mum and I, we’re trying to figure things out, but it’s complicated.”

Complicated. I mentally filed that under ‘red flags.’

“How so?” I asked, cautiously. At this point, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to hear more, but I also couldn’t stop myself from asking.

Dan sighed, rubbing the back of his neck like he was gearing up for a confession. “Well, she’s still in the picture. Like, really in the picture. We’re kind of... working things out.”

I blinked, trying to process what he was saying. Working things out?

“So, wait, you’re… not actually single?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. But inside, I was already fuming. Nairobi men will always surprise you.

Dan winced. “It’s complicated,” he said again, which, to me, meant, “No, but I want to see how much I can get away with.”

I put my fork down and crossed my arms, looking him straight in the eye. “Complicated how? Are you two still together or not?”

He shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. “We’re not together together, but we’re trying to figure out if we should be. It’s been on and off, and with the baby, it’s hard to just walk away.”

I sat back, trying to keep my cool. I’d been on enough dates to know when things were about to head south. But this? This was a new level of messy.

“So, let me get this straight,” I said slowly, “you’re here, on a date with me, but you’re also ‘figuring things out’ with your baby mama?”

He nodded awkwardly, not even trying to deny it. “Yeah, but it’s not like that. I like you, I really do. I just need time to see where things go with her.”

I took a deep breath, holding back a sarcastic comment. “You know what, Dan? If you’re still figuring things out with her, maybe you should focus on that instead of being out here, confusing other people.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but I wasn’t done.

“I mean, I have a kid too. And trust me, I know co-parenting can be complicated. But the difference is, I’m not out here pretending like I’m available when I’m clearly not. Nairobi is already chaotic enough without people playing games.”

Dan was quiet, staring at his plate. I could tell he didn’t expect me to call him out so directly, but I was tired of these Nairobi games. Tired of men who think they can juggle relationships like matatus during rush hour.

“I didn’t mean to mislead you,” he finally said, his voice small. “I just didn’t want to scare you off.”

I smiled, but it didn’t reach my eyes. “Trust me, honesty scares me a lot less than whatever this is.”

The rest of the meal was eaten in awkward silence. Dan tried to make small talk a couple of times, but I wasn’t interested anymore. I finished my food, paid my half of the bill, and politely excused myself.

As I walked out of the restaurant, I felt a mix of relief and frustration. Dating as a single mum was already hard enough without getting dragged into someone else’s unresolved relationship drama. But hey, at least now I had a story to tell.

By the time I got home, I was already over it. I plopped down on my couch, kicked off my shoes, and checked on my little girl, who was fast asleep.

Nairobi will teach you lessons, whether you ask for them or not.